I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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