My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
