I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Help. Why am I so naked?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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