Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
