tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
