I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
