We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
