On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
