I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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