i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
