my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
