No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
