I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
