So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
