dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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