A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
