our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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