new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
