and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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