Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
