I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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