Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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