your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
