when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
