I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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