I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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