shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
