We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
