You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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