He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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