Porn is love you can see.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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