Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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