just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
