It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
