grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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