I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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