I'm so fucking centered right now
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
