Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
