she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
