People in love make me want to vomit
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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