the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
