did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
