guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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