I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
