My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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