it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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