dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
