Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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