i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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