I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
