I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
